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Friendship Problems
Friends are very important to children and young people. They get a lot of their sense of who they are, and their place in the world, from friendships and relationships. Friendships and playing are how children have fun and learn to negotiate the world. They share ideas and make each other laugh, but also learn that not everyone will do what you want all the time, that you have to take turns and share, and that people have different ways of thinking and doing things.

Some children are more confident and robust than others – they can shrug off arguments or disagreements with friends, and cope easily if things don’t go their way. Others find it hard - they might cry or get very angry, or try and manipulate or force others into doing what they want. Some children find it difficult to make friends or to keep them. This may be because they are naturally shy and reserved, or lack confidence. They may have low self-esteem and think that they are not worth being friends with.

Children with autistic spectrum disorder, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) or dyspraxia can have particular difficulties forming and making friendships, due to the nature of these conditions. However this does not mean that they do not want or cannot have friendships, they will just need help from adults and teachers in learning how to do it.

Children with disabilities or communication problems may also need extra support in making and maintaining friendships.

As children get into key stage two (ages 7-11), friendships become more and more important and this can be tricky. They start to notice the differences between each other, who is considered cool and who isn’t, and who is growing up faster. Bullying can start at this time but even thoughtless comments or accidentally being left out can make children feel really hurt and upset.

Once children are in their teens, focus often shifts very firmly from family towards friends, and social life can really take over. Friends can help each other through the confusing and scary maze of adolescence. Groups and cliques become very important, and teenagers can define themselves by who they are friends with, and who they are not.

Mobile phones, social networking and online communication have increased the amount of time young people spend in touch with each other, but also the opportunities to hurt and upset. Image, particularly for girls, can become crucial and they may get stressed and competitive about their bodies and looks compared with their friends.

If friendships are not going well, children and young people can get very upset and feel isolated, rejected, and angry or develop low self-esteem. Friendship problems can affect their family life, schoolwork and things like eating and sleeping. They can sometimes lead to more serious problems like depression and self-harm.