Bereavement

Most children will be able to grieve and over time come to terms with their loss, supported by family and friends.

However, others will find life in general hard to cope with, may become anxious about their own health or that of others, and can find it hard to move on. They may not realize themselves what is causing their worries and might find it hard to talk about.

Death in the family affects everyone. Children, in particular, need to be thought about even if it is a difficult time for the whole family.

A child's reactions to grief can depend on many things, including their developmental stage. Bereaved children and teenagers will need ongoing attention, reassurance and support.

How does a child or young person grieve?

How any child or young person grieves when someone they love has died will depend on many things, such as their:

• Age
• Gender
• Developmental stage
• Personality
• Ways they usually react to stress and emotion
• Relationship with the person who has died
• Earlier experiences of loss or death
• Family circumstances
• How others around them are grieving
• Amount of support around them

Babies, children and teenagers may often seem unconcerned, playing or doing their usual activities, so adults can assume they are not properly aware of the death, or affected by it. They are, but in their own ways. Babies, children and teenagers tend to grieve in bursts, and at other times will look for reassurance and comfort in their normal routines and activities. Bereaved children and teenagers will need ongoing attention, reassurance and support.

What helps grieving children and young people?

Every child is unique and will cope with the death of someone important in their own way. There is no magic formula but things that help include:

• Providing clear, honest and age-appropriate information.
• Reassurance that they are not to blame and that different feelings are OK
• Following normal routines and giving clear demonstration that adults are there for them.
• Time to talk about what has happened, ask questions and build memories.
• Being listened to and given time to grieve in their own way.