Domestic Violence

If you are forced to alter your behaviour because you are frightened of your partner’s reaction, you are being abused.”

In households where there is domestic violence, children can suffer serious long-term emotional effects. Even if they are not physically harmed, children may suffer lasting emotional and psychological damage as a result of witnessing the violence.

Children can witness domestic violence in a variety of ways. For example, they may be in the same room and get caught in the middle of an incident risking getting hurt, perhaps in an effort to make the violence stop. Children may be in another room but can hear the abuse or see physical injuries following an incident of violence. Or children may be forced to take part in verbally abusing the victim.

All children witnessing domestic violence are being emotionally abused.

Children will react in different ways to being brought up in a home where there is violence. Age, race, sex, culture, stage of development, and individual personality will all have an effect on a child's responses. Most children, however, will be affected in some way by tension or by witnessing arguments, distressing behaviour or assaults - even if they do not always show this. They may feel they are to blame, may feel angry, guilty, insecure, alone, frightened, powerless, or confused. They may have ambivalent feelings, both towards the abuser, and towards the non-abusing parent.

Children may:

• Develop stress-related illnesses
• Become anxious or depressed
• Have difficulty sleeping
• Have nightmares or flashbacks
• Complain of physical symptoms such as tummy aches
• Start to wet their bed
• Have temper tantrums
• Have problems at school or start truanting
• Become aggressive, violent and antisocial
• Withdraw from other people
• Develop low self-esteem
• Start to use alcohol or drugs
• Self-harm by taking overdoses or cutting themselves
• Develop an eating disorder

Violence can interfere with your children's lives in other ways. They may feel unable to invite friends round (or may be prevented from doing so) out of shame, fear, or concern about what their friends may see. They may feel guilty, and think the violence is their fault, or that they ought to be able to stop it in some way. There can be an impact on school attendance and achievement: some children will stay home in an attempt to protect their parent, or because they are frightened what may happen if they go out. Worry, disturbed sleep and lack of concentration can all affect schoolwork.